Dear+John


 * 1) As I sit down to write this, I imagine what you will think when you open the envelope…will you be sad? Will you be happy? Angry? What? It's been 11 months since I last saw you. I've sent you atleast a hundred letters but not once did I ever recieve a response. I'm starting to think you just don't care or are no longer here. What have you found that is so much better? I spend my days staring at a blank wall. I'm living my life but not entirely. It's like I'm living the same day over and over again. Nothing changes, nothing excites me. Half the thoughts in my head are related to you. Like where are you and how you are. The other half of the time I just don't think about anything.
 * 2) Ever since you left for the Rhode Island National Guard, things at home haven't been the same. Luigi came back from Florida. He said he wan't happy. Mom and Dad got a divorce. When you come back, that is if you come back, it's gonna be weird. I went for a walk 2 months ago and tripped over the sidewalk. I broke my collar bone and right arm. But mom wasn't their to help pay for me, because of the divorce, so dad and I had to take out a loan. We're highly in debt right now.
 * 3) The debt is high and I can't afford it and the loan doesn't cover it enough. So I'm force to live on the streets with a broken body. I feel so lonely out here. I do hope you are alive so you can come back to me, my lover. I want to be able to feel your body against mine one last time but I'm not sure if that will happen.
 * 4) I have been writting for nine days now to you and I haven't eaten the whole time. I drink my pee and now when I do I throw up. I have just enough strength to pick this pencial up to the paper to wirte this to you, my lover. If you can come home now I be happy to see you before I go. I am sorry for not keeping my promise to stay strong but hunger is killing me everyday. If you are no longer of this world then I shall see you on the other side where ever that maybe.
 * 5) It's now 12 days since I haven't eaten I am on my last energy for I will be dead by tomorrow. So this is my last time writing to you by my lover good bye. I love you.
 * 6) i havent died yet but these are my last days, i will make a letter telling everyone i hate them for not saving me from this tragedy. and to my lover i hate you too for not helping me !!!!!
 * 7) Day 14. I think i've reached a point in my life where everything from before becomes clear. I haven't even sent this letter and yet i am still holding on to a hint of hope that you will come and abolish all my troubles. It's quite pathetic once i think of it. Not doing anything to benefit myself and depending on others. I think it's time i do something different but it may be too late. My strength has truly shimmered down to barely anything.
 * 8) I've tried so hard to be stong but without you I feel beyond empty. I'm missing half of me and my heart feels this pain deeply. You've been with me through everything and before you left I couldn't imagine living without you. Now that you're gone, being without seems so unreal. The children have been staying with my parents because I haven't been able to provide for them. There is so much that I could tell you, but if I continue writing, my heart with stop beating quicker than I plan. Don't cry for me because I'll be in a better place. I promise I'll be waiting for you and we'll be together for eternity like we originally planned.


 * 1) Day 15. I died yesterday night, my love. I thought of you as I drifted towards the white light. That thing was brighter than a mug. Don't worry i had my bans on tho. Stuntin on Jesus and Mother Mary as I walked through the gates of heaven. I haven't seen you in 11 months and 15 days. Can you hurry up and die so we could chill. I keep listening to Adele up here on the new iTunes radio. I can only listen to Rolling in the Deep so long. Hurry tf up. Trip off a roof or something. Im boutta bump to dat new NWTS. Got that leak tho, na mean. Shieet.